A couple of weeks ago I finished reading a Zadie Smith book: On Beauty. It was a delicious read that was not afraid to portray the dark side of beauty and the tendency people have to be seduced by the side of beauty that destroys. Real beauty - the kind that lasts and gives life - can be lost in the glaring light of what captures our attraction on a trivial level. Laying claim on that deeper beauty can take a hell of a lot of work once one has been content to play in the shallow waters of trivial beauty.
Last night my friend and I went to a cd release party here in Vancouver. As we walked back through the empty streets we talked about attraction, art, the search for peace, and annoying disco balls that leave a person's eyes hoping to be soothed by darkness. When two people spend some time talking about attraction the question inevitably comes to this biggie: what do you think is attractive? This question always stumps me, but it's not always for noble reasons. I'm afraid that I lose touch with my own beauty and in that, I lose touch with the beauty in others because I've traded in a deeper version of myself for a version that cares more about how my overbite leaps out of my profile or how my hair just doesn't have the same lift as it did a few days ago.
I'm home sick today and my puffy eyes are searching out beauty. The sky outside is layered in lumpy clouds of grey and it's beautiful. The new Patty Griffin cd playing (for the 4th time today) is pull-emotions-to-the-top-of-the-skin beautiful. The lingering smell of curry left after dinner with my friend last night is beautiful. My hands around a hot cup of tea are beautiful. The scruffy homeless man who shoved a bag of M & M's into his pocket early this week at the Skytrain station is beautiful. I believe that this beauty leads me to the One who made all of this. And though I have a heck of a time with faith some days, today I'm leaning into this beauty and hoping God will give me eyes to see and ears to hear . . . what's that? That I am beautiful and all of this is beautiful.
3 comments:
That was beautiful. You are beautiful.
Hi Bobbi! You always write so eloquently and have something to say that makes me stop for a minute and ponder...
So thank you for that.
I have opened my arms up wide for Edmonton to give it a big ol' hug for you. Until the wind almost blew me over anyway. I will trust you that the Edmonton Public Library has a fabulous music selection. As a foreigner, I believe it is expensive for me to get a library card :)
pastor bobbi! i cant believe u have a blog (besides the hv one) that i didnt know about! thank goodness for that email with ur blog link to it! hehe... i liked reading this. Ive heard of Zadie Smith's book, On Beauty, but wasnt quite sure if it would be a good read cuz it looked really complicated. But maybe i'll give it a try cuz u didnt seem to mind it.
p.s. this was a beautiful blog. =)
see u friday!
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