A Party and A Poem

I had a party this weekend to thank the people who have been paramount friends to me while I've been transitioning, crying, laughing, panicking, saying goodbye, and settling into what the next hellos might look like.

I called this gathering the HOLYSHITiMADEIT party. Please take no offense. I named it with great intention. A few weeks ago I was running down the hill towards Trout Lake (LOVE running down hills) and I was feeling angry and saying bad words in my head. But then the word "shit" took on a new life as I placed it right beside the word "holy" in my imagination.

Now, it may seem offensive and possibly blasphemous to let a word so divine make friends with a word so dirty. Lately though, these two words have become my favourite poem. They are reminding me that really heart breaking things can and do happen all the time. But they are not beyond the reach of a God who makes beautiful things out of really, really crappy things. This is my redemption poem.

These are my party pictures:


It was hot. We took the party to the street.


My friend Nerida and I.


Peekaboo Calgary Greg, Paul I-love-my-beers, Matt from Mission and me.


The always beautiful Kristi.


Some of my fav Willingdon peeps, Lauren and Andy.
The pose? Ummm . . . awkward.


My dear friend Angie and some chicken enchilada leftovers.

Even Under Its Weight, We Smile

Today was the "Farewell to Bobbi" at Willingdon Church. I've served there for four and a half years and it was quite sad to say these goodbyes. I must say, though, that it was one classy and personal affair thanks to the beautiful people who attended, the encouragement they spoke/wrote, and the hugs that they shared.

I am deeply thankful to Jenni, my friend and ministry counterpart, who gathered up bits of art and encouragement from students, created a gracious spirit in the Youth Centre, wrote and led a leaving liturgy, and honoured me in a thousand particular ways.

Here are some highlights:


My friend Sasha and I


Brother and sister: Selena and Travis.


Some of my not-so-little guys: Matty and Mitchell
Mitchell served with me as a SLUG this year (Student Leader Under Guidance)
Matthew has been a constant encouragement to me with his genuine heart and servant leadership


2 of my most consistent kids these last 2 years: Sam and Cheryl


A couple brothers I adore: Neil and Matthias

FYI: The Youth Centre really is this ugly.

Some arts offerings: Katie and Charlene wrote and read a poem
My friend Ryan sang me one of my FAV songs: Josh Ritter's Monster Ballads
I nearly fell on the floor weeping it was all so truly beautiful.

The Weight of Goodbye

The sun is setting
I am sitting
in my house tonight
with the light
what's better?
just an hour or so ago
it came (this light)
almost unannounced through
my north west facing window
it cupped my face
with it's most tender hands
it didn't say a word
it just
held
me
my face in the hands of
the sun
tonight I'm sitting with
(and distracting myself from)
the heaviness that has been getting up
in my personal space
all day
what's worse?
it has been here
for weeks
a lifetime of
weeks
it's the weight of goodbye
banging about in my head
aching up and down my heart
it rolls in so heavy
hides away behind the next hour
and then shows up and
overstays
its
welcome
tomorrow I will say so many
goodbyes and I know
around this world
so many people will be saying
so many
goodbyes
for
good
for
g
o
o
d
GOODBYES
we plead with you
we who live them with
intention and
(please) generosity
may you lend us
a sweet


hello.

It's Not Fair When We Don't Share

My friend Louanne is a wonder.

Some time ago she introduced me to the micro-financing organization Kiva. Straight from their website: Kiva's mission is to connect people through lending for the sake of alleviating poverty. Kiva is the world's first person-to-person micro-lending website, empowering individuals to lend directly to unique entrepreneurs in the developing world.

This past weekend I hung out with Louanne and her husband Paul a couple of times. On both occasions either one or the other was wearing a Kiva t-shirt. I was so inspired by their socially conscious clothing choices that I finally wandered over to kiva.org this afternoon and lent out my first chunk of money to a woman who makes cheese in Peru to support herself and her six children.

This was in the thank you email from Kiva: We believe this is one of the best ways to empower our neighbors, giving them opportunities to become economically independent, improve their standard of living, and alleviate poverty for themselves and their communities.

Yep. Sign me up for that. Wait. I just did.

Beauty Spots -- A New Blog

I had an idea for a new blog while I was traveling. I'm going to play around with it for a while. You can find it here.
Warning: it's grey, too. I love to wear black and blog in grey.

Trip Trickle:::THE GRAND FINALE

REWIND AND RETROSPECT

This trip for my 30th birthday came at an interesting time in my life.

Earlier in the year I had a dream to travel: I wanted to go somewhere with someone. That was it. I seized an occasion to go with a friend (the lovely Sara) while her sister was living in Berlin (the lovely Wendy). We sketched out an itinerary, booked our flights, and then hardly planned a thing.

Just weeks before leaving some massive change landed in my life. I was stuck in some tensions at my church and after much consideration, decided to bow out of the ministry there. Though some people could see the hope that might come after this tough spell, I was, and still feel, quite caught up in the sadness.

These were the bombs and flares exploding as I was about to walk onto a plane and walk off into a European adventure.

“Good timing,” some would say.

“Good timing?” I wondered.

I’m still thinking about that.

I do know that I loved leaving. I loved disappearing. I loved being with my friend Sara. I loved meeting new friends. I loved hanging out with Wendy. I loved eating! I loved drinking. I loved looking. I loved gathering up stories. I loved strapping dorky headsets on at museums to learn everything. I loved how a place or some writing on the wall got under my skin. I loved tree lines and people on their bikes.

I got tired of the heavy narrative I was lugging around with me. I got tired of my broken body with it’s definite limits. I got tired of bringing the wrong luggage. But I don’t think I stayed tired. I think my imagination was refreshed. Who knows where that might lead?


Welcome to Berlin.


Water closet, Berlin.


My shoes in Wendy's window.


Quite an ass, Potsdam.


The Memorial for Murdered European Jews, Berlin.
Early one morning.


Charles Bridge, Prague.


Sara and I, Prague Castle.


Banksy, London.
Leaving our mark.

Trip Trickle 6

Music is this Josh Ritter song. Breathe that in.

A certain highlight of my trip was going out one evening to a pub in Crouch End, London, all by my little Bobbi self. I went to hear Jill Barber, a Canadian singer songwriter, who was in town. The evening nearly blew my CBC tshirt off. I met Jill before the show, she invited me to come hang out with her and her people, she put me on her guest list, I met some lovely London blokes who told me about pockets of urban poverty and how different London is from the rest of England. I dig that stuff, all that beautiful stuff.


Jill Barber, Les Cooper her guitarist, and me

Trip Trickle 5

THE SHOES








There is something
about seeing
your very own feet
wrapped up in
your very own shoes
that reminds you that
you have place
that place matters
that you and place
are friends.

Trip Trickle 4

THE FOOD AND DRINK

I love to eat and drink at home; I love to eat and drink away from home. Here are some of those moments from my trip.


Sara, Wendy, and I caught up in a Mayday "riot" in Berlin.


Breakfast in Berlin at an outdoor cafe.


Ron Telesky "couch potato" pizza covered in arugula (maybe) and chili maple syrup.


Sara and I joining the masses of Berlin with a scoop of gelato.


Real German food at the really, really old pub by Wendy's place in Berlin.


Coffee! I might have had about 50 cappuccinos in my journey. *Note that the statues outside of the Franz Kafka museum in this Prague square are actually robots. You can text them a message and they'll pee that message into a map/pond the shape of a map of Czech.


Sara, Lisa, and I spent a few hours at this pub in Oxford. It is famous for being the haunt of the Inklings from 1939-1962.

Trip Trickle 3

THE WRITING ON THE WALL

Writing on the wall can be spooky.

There is a story in the Old Testament (Daniel 5) about a heavenly warning that arrives at King Belshazzar’s party in the form of cryptic writing on the wall. Daniel is brought in to interpret the writing. It basically sets out this message to the irreverent Belshazzar: you’re screwed.

Writing on the wall can seem like a message of warning and ruin, especially when you’ve been an idiot and God wants to get your attention. But, then there is another kind of writing on the wall: graffiti. It’s the kind that starts here on earth, rather than in the heavens, and seems more like a cry directed upward than a curse coming down.

On my trip to Europe I spied on all sorts of graffiti.


An old building. Berlin.


My name in Berlin.


Beauty and dandelions in Berlin.


Can you feel it? Berlin.


The Berlin Wall. East Side Gallery.


More of the Berlin Wall. East Side Gallery.


The illusive Banksy. London.


Banksy. This one was painted just a month ago. London.

I think this earth-bound writing on the wall sprays out a message that reads more like this:

Hey. We’re here.
Hey. Things aren’t as they should be.
Hey. I’m feeling a bit broken.
Hey. I’m hoping for a better world.
Hey.

This writing on the wall has been heard; there are traces of this everywhere. It is sprayed again and again. It has not fallen on blind eyes.

PS This is my 100th blog post! Yikes.

Trip Trickle 2

some-thoughts-and-likely-some-pictures-everyday-for-the-
rest-of-the-month-of-May//my trip to Europe with my friend Sara

THE BIRTHDAY

This trip was inspired by my 30th birthday. Indeed, I'm now 30. Here are some pics of the night we celebrated in Berlin. The people in the celebration: Sara, her sister Wendy, Wendy's flatmate Ben, Ben's dad visiting from Naniamo, and finally Ben and Wendy's boss and his friend.


Pizza and wine at a punk pizza place by the canal.


Sara and I at a lovely little downstairs pub just around the corner from Ron Telesky's Canadian Pizza.


Yes. It was this fun.


Wendy's boss Ole treated us to some fine German sparkling wines. We drank up appreciatively, of course.

Trip Trickle

I took a trip to three incredible cities for my 30th birthday: Berlin, Prague, and London. I've decided to share some-thoughts-and-likely-some-pictures-everyday-for-the-
rest-of-the-month-of-May to let you in on that journey.

I didn't do much blogging while I was away because I honestly enjoyed the freedom of disappearing. But now, I'm unleashing some blog goodness for my faithful friends who actually read this madness.

I welcome your comments and in that, your place in my invaluable and far-reaching community. I invite you to enter into the conversation that takes place in the wake of a person's return home from a far away place.

To begin . . .

THE PEOPLE


This is my amazing friend Sara who took this trip with me. We are Briercrest College buddies; we shared a bathroom my first year. Sara lives in Calgary. She is so lovely. This picture is the two of us early one morning in Berlin outside the Reichstag.


Our first destination was Berlin because Sara's sister Wendy lives there. I know Wendy because she lives in East Vancouver when she isn't living abroad. This is the three of us at Brandenburg Gate. I love these women!


Sara and I stayed with Wendy and her friend Ben who is also from Vancouver. We liked to affectionately call them "Bendy." They were very gracious to let us stay with them and eat all their Nutella every morning.


This is a hot pic of Wendy and I at Potsdam. Some "old shit" is behind us, as Wendy would say.


Skipping ahead to our last city, London. Sara was able to catch up with her old friends Lisa and Brett. Through Sara's reconnections, I made some new friends. We spent our last evening with Lisa and Brett at The Troubadour in London.

Stay tuned to the BS blog for more . . . tomorrow.