I wonder if Josh Ritter might want to marry me

Tonight as I drove home from work along Kingsway I relived the Josh Ritter concert I went to last week with my friends Chris and Sarah. I played "Monster Ballads", track 3 on The Animal Years, over and over again and again. There's something about "Monster ballads in the stations of the cross / Sighing just a little bit" that catches in my imagination. And I got thinking: JR and I would make one fine couple. He could sing his poetry to to me and we'd read books together. And that, friends, is all the romance I'd need.

Some thoughts about the work I do

Last weekend's Vibrant Girls' Retreat.


Last weekend's Tough Enough Guys' Retreat.



I work with students. Preteens, in fact. And these students . . . they're maniacs. But after all the mayhem, at the end of a Friday small group night, I still have huge love in my heart for them. I see that in the little moments big things can happen. Moments like these.

Tonight I sat around a booth with grade 6 girls and we built a city of Play Doh. It had a downtown core, a bit of suburban sprawl, and a beautiful royal blue river around it. While I breathed in a smell of my childhood I hoped these girls would remember that it's good to play, to create, and to welcome others into a circle.

On the other side of the behavior spectrum, later in my youth night, I busted a bunch of grade 7 boys having a shoe fight (perhaps it was more like a life-flashing-before-one's-eyes war) in one of the classrooms. I could tell by the skid marks ON THE WALL, the hole in the drywall, and the smell that punched me in the face when I opened the door that they had been at for quite a while.

Upon getting busted by "Pastor Bobbi" there was an instant hush, but still a lot of snickering. I flashed them the "Bobbi's TICKED" look and after about 5 minutes of cleaning up the chairs which they had turned into protective barricades I explained to them this: the walls of this church didn't just appear; people give of their money so that we can have a church; when we can't stop our fun to realize that we're ruining things that aren't ours (and dare I say God's?) something has gone really wrong.

And you know, I think some of them got that. Without my nudging they went about looking for a way to get the scuff marks off the wall. And even though it didn't work, they left youth tonight with a few bowed heads and even some genuine apologies. I think that this moment too - in it's destruction and annoyance - was redeemed. For a moment these guys had to stop and consider something beyond themselves.

I'm resting tonight (once I finally wind down) knowing that these gloriously simple, and even a bit trying, moments were sparkling with the sacred.

On Beauty and a Case of the Uglies

A couple of weeks ago I finished reading a Zadie Smith book: On Beauty. It was a delicious read that was not afraid to portray the dark side of beauty and the tendency people have to be seduced by the side of beauty that destroys. Real beauty - the kind that lasts and gives life - can be lost in the glaring light of what captures our attraction on a trivial level. Laying claim on that deeper beauty can take a hell of a lot of work once one has been content to play in the shallow waters of trivial beauty.

Last night my friend and I went to a cd release party here in Vancouver. As we walked back through the empty streets we talked about attraction, art, the search for peace, and annoying disco balls that leave a person's eyes hoping to be soothed by darkness. When two people spend some time talking about attraction the question inevitably comes to this biggie: what do you think is attractive? This question always stumps me, but it's not always for noble reasons. I'm afraid that I lose touch with my own beauty and in that, I lose touch with the beauty in others because I've traded in a deeper version of myself for a version that cares more about how my overbite leaps out of my profile or how my hair just doesn't have the same lift as it did a few days ago.

I'm home sick today and my puffy eyes are searching out beauty. The sky outside is layered in lumpy clouds of grey and it's beautiful. The new Patty Griffin cd playing (for the 4th time today) is pull-emotions-to-the-top-of-the-skin beautiful. The lingering smell of curry left after dinner with my friend last night is beautiful. My hands around a hot cup of tea are beautiful. The scruffy homeless man who shoved a bag of M & M's into his pocket early this week at the Skytrain station is beautiful. I believe that this beauty leads me to the One who made all of this. And though I have a heck of a time with faith some days, today I'm leaning into this beauty and hoping God will give me eyes to see and ears to hear . . . what's that? That I am beautiful and all of this is beautiful.

Things I Like: #8

I think I'm falling in love with Todd Snider.

He's a singer-songwriter found under the categories of Americana/alt-country/folk. His storytelling songs are full of sharp honesty and raw humour. Sometimes it's the kind of humour where I find myself thinking "I can't believe he just said that!"; it's wonderfully frank. His latest album - The Devil You Know - is found on many "Best of 2006" lists. I like lists like this because I always find some new friends there as another year rolls in.

Take a listen here or here.

Things I Like: #7

I like POTATOES.

Yummy, lovely potatoes.

I found this recipe in my gmail "sponsored link". I made them tonight and they were tasty.

Black Pepper and Lime Oven Fries

1 1/2 pounds small potatoes, cut into wedges
3 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil
sea salt
freshly ground pepper
1 lime
1/3 cup Parmesan cheese, grated

Preheat oven to 375, oven racks in the middle.

In a medium bowl toss the potato wedges with the olive oil, a few big pinches of sea salt and five or six cranks of the pepper grinder. Arrange the potatoes cut side down on a baking sheet. Place in the oven for 30-35 minutes, tossing the potatoes with a metal spatula half way through.

While the potatoes are baking, zest the lime and cut it into a few wedges.

When the potatoes are cooked through, remove them from the oven, taste, and adjust the seasoning. Add more salt and pepper to taste (don't skimp on the pepper!). Serve in a big shallow bowl, or on a platter, drizzled with lime juice and dusted with the lime zest and Parmesan.

Things I Like: #6

I like Johnny Cash.


I have blips of Johnny Cash music in my childhood memories. Yesterday I was listening to JC as the rain fell outside. The images cast in my imagination from the song "Man in Black" followed me around all evening and into today:

Man in Black
By Johnny Cash

Well, you wonder why I always dress in black,
Why you never see bright colors on my back,
And why does my appearance seem to have a somber tone.
Well, there's a reason for the things that I have on.

I wear the black for the poor and the beaten down,
Livin' in the hopeless, hungry side of town,
I wear it for the prisoner who has long paid for his crime,
But is there because he's a victim of the times.

I wear the black for those who never read,
Or listened to the words that Jesus said,
About the road to happiness through love and charity,
Why, you'd think He's talking straight to you and me.

Well, we're doin' mighty fine, I do suppose,
In our streak of lightnin' cars and fancy clothes,
But just so we're reminded of the ones who are held back,
Up front there ought 'a be a Man In Black.

I wear it for the sick and lonely old,
For the reckless ones whose bad trip left them cold,
I wear the black in mournin' for the lives that could have been,
Each week we lose a hundred fine young men.

And, I wear it for the thousands who have died,
Believen' that the Lord was on their side,
I wear it for another hundred thousand who have died,
Believen' that we all were on their side.

Well, there's things that never will be right I know,
And things need changin' everywhere you go,
But 'til we start to make a move to make a few things right,
You'll never see me wear a suit of white.

Ah, I'd love to wear a rainbow every day,
And tell the world that everything's OK,
But I'll try to carry off a little darkness on my back,
'Till things are brighter, I'm the Man In Black

Be refreshed by JC's honest tunes and creative storytelling in music here.

Things I like: #5

I like a London Fog on a damp winter's night.

Things I Like: #4

GEORGE STROUMBOULOPOULOS. I didn't dig George at first, but I now think The Hour is one of the greatest ways to end the day.

Things I Like: #3

Jian Ghomeshi is coming back to CBC Radio 1 with an afternoon arts show. Ooooooo! I can hardly wait. I love him.

Things I Like: #2

FRIENDS who sense what is going on inside after only a few sentences are spoken.

Things I Like: #1

I like to take long walks on cold days.

These are the people in my family

Edmonton Christmas vacation/Glenn and Linda Salkeld family reunion

I've been listening to the same cd for the last 5 hours

While in Edmonton last week for the holidays my sister and I tracked down the new Ray LaMontagne cd Till the Sun Turns Black. I've been listening to it over and over again today while finishing up a really good book. There's a concert linked from his website to the NPR site and now I'm pretending like I'm there. You should try it if this NPR article description appeals to you:

Singer, songwriter and guitarist Ray LaMontagne makes mellow, sometimes dark, poetry songs that are part folk, part soul, with warmly textured atmospherics.

If it weren’t for cigarettes I think I'd be a smoker

A few years ago my friend was visiting from out of town. At some point in our conversation she told me why she started smoking in university. She explained that she needed to escape the snooty students in her program and she found real camaraderie in the smoker circle.

I wish churches had smoker circles. I think I'd hang out there.

Smokers: I watched them one day a few weeks back. I was traveling on a four stop red eye flight to Cincinnati. As I waited for one of my flights I watched as smokers gathered in the designated smoking rooms. I sat alone in the clean air waiting for my flight to board. The smoker filed into the brownish fog, sat down, lit up, took the first drag and soon after started into conversation with a smoker stranger.

I'm craving some smoker community. The kind where I can sit down, not be so concerned about how together I am (or am not), and where just as simply as breathing I invite others to do the same.

Props

Sometimes you really don't know what the outcome will be. This is especially true in youth ministry.

I'm a planner. I like to make plans. I like to imagine my plans playing out and sit back later and reflect, "Indeed, those were fine plans."

The students I work with remind me that no matter how I envision an experience, it's likely, in actuality, to be absolutely nothing like what I imagined.

Tonight at youth I gave the FUSE groups (small groups) chunks of the Luke 1-2 passage from The Message to creatively communicate to the rest of the group. Off they went to be creative and strengthen the bonds of relational ministry. They seemed excited; I anticipated success.

The first group up was one of the guys' groups. They began with some strange drug reference (Where the heck did they get that???? Not to mention that they are in GRADE 7!). Next came the oranges. One of the fellas put two Mandarin oranges up to his scrawny frame. He was playing the part of Elizabeth (Zechariah's wife and mother of John the Baptist) and those fine oranges became boobs.

Wait! Those were not my plans! Though, I had to give the buddy some credit for keeping it real and being true to the not-so-G-rated way of the Bible. And still, there's more.

One of the students yelled out from the audience, "Hey, those are too low!"

Mr. Oranges-for-boobs declared, "No they're not. I'm old."

I liked this movie

I saw the new Pedro Almodóvar film staring Penelope Cruz this weekend - Volver - and I, unlike my fellow moviegoer, truly enjoyed it. Half way through the film my friend leaned over and said way too loudly, "This is weird." I said, "Learn how to whisper." I then went back to wrapping myself up in the world of this fine foreign film.

I enjoyed this film for its dark comedy, rich relationships, family dynamics, mystery, and colourful landscape. I absorbed themes of loyalty, love, revenge, secrets, death, and community. The film focuses on women who are connected in family and the people who are connected to them in the peripheral spaces.

I read this fine review at Salon.com

It's not a film for everyone, but then again maybe it should be.

Fine Footwear

Today I got annoyed.

It seems that I have a tendency to buy shoes that don't fit quite right. What is wrong with me? You'd think now that I'm in my late 20s I could buy shoes that fit properly.

I bought a pair of shoes in the spring - size 9. It should have been a great fit. The last shoes that I got I was fitted for at The Running Room and they are fine footwear - size 9. These new shoes - an outdoor half-ass hiker - are like strapping planks to my feet. WAYYYY too big. Well, just a smidge, but an annoying smidge all the same.

I was out and about today in the slush buying overpriced craft supplies for my maniac students to make Christmas gifts for others at youth next Friday. I decided to pop into MEC and see if they still carried the plank shoes that I bought in the spring. Sure enough, there they were. And what's more, there they were in a glowing size 8.5.

I told the nice MEC person my story. And she let me take the 9ers off my feet and trade them in. No cost. No bother. Just a better fitting pair of shoes that keep my feet dry.

Snowday Monday

I love snow! It's a little like the rest of Canada in Vancouver this week. This is the view of the backyard from the kitchen.


These are my happy prairie Sorel boots. They love days like today.


The path to the laundry room - brrr.

I Heart Youth Specialties

Here are some highlight pics from my trip to the National Youth Workers Convention in Cincinnati (November 16-20).

My good buddy Robby Olson and I eating a Cincinnati favourite - Skyline Chili. Who knew Cincinnati was famous for their chili? Not I. What I actually ate is this - the description comes straight from the Skyline Chili menu: 3-Way Chili: Our signature dish...steaming spaghetti, covered with our original, secret-recipe chili and topped with a mound of shredded cheddar cheese. My, oh my.


My new friend Ashley and I. Ashley met Jer in their Critical Concerns course and then Ashley and I had lunch and talked "women in youth ministry."


Jer and I at Outback with Mark. Mark's below . . .


Our Team Leader - Mark "the big dog" Janzen. I really love these guys (Mark and Jer). They continue to show me respect, make my gut hurt with big laughs, and warm my heart with their brotherly love for me and the kids/families we work with. Yay Team!


YS does it up big. This is the stage where we gathered for General Sessions at the Duke Energy Centre. And though YS does a lot of things big and loud, the conference gives a person plenty of ways to tailor the weekend just the way one needs it.

The big theme of my weekend was a continuation of the theme that I've been noticing in my life for the past 6 months - simple moments are charged with the deeply sacred. I found God in the small things more than the loud things at the YS conference: meeting with a mentor, Marv; hanging out with old and new friends; bumping into one of YS's spiritual directors that I spent some time with 2 years ago, Maggie; drawing out a prayer with crayons at a contemplative course . . . I LOVE YOUTH SPECIALTIES.

I also wrote a poem during weekend. It is about the moment I had catching up with Maggie, one of YS's spiritual directors. Here it is . . .

MAGGIE AND ME

I saw her
in attentive conversation
orange walls, orange ceiling

A hope rushed in as I rushed on
I wanted to be in her
incense presence

I turned and stepped on insecurity
down orange hallways
I was recognized and embraced

Toothy smile to toothy smile
a moment to reconnect and remember
--a commissioning
--a note passed, tacked to the fridge
--a breaking heart
--a shining countenance

Farewells of blessings and peace
woven in the sacred space between
two soul friends

Me and My Grandma

I'm presently putting together a few short personal essays to apply to Regent College. Here's one I'm working on this week:

Me and My Grandma

- where I come from -

Two years ago my Grandma Salkeld passed away. She had lived a good life and her decline in health happened rapidly. The news of her turn was at first shocking. I was comforted by words from my uncle. He highlighted the theme of goodness in her life and how she had never wanted to live in an extended care facility. My family, the Salkeld’s, gathered around her hospital bed in Esterhazy, Saskatchewan, two days after she was admitted. She was no longer conscious and in only a few hours she would slip away.

I had flown in from Vancouver. My cousin Lindsey had driven with his wife all the way from Oklahoma City, and my mom had made the journey from her and my dad’s new life in Sioux Falls, South Dakota. Other family members came from Edmonton, Calgary, Regina, and the small farming community around Esterhazy. As we gathered from our far away and fairly near homes, we wove our conversations around my grandma’s irregular breaths. We recounted memories and we laughed.

Sister Cecile, one of the nuns from the Catholic Church down the street from the hospital, made mention as she touched my grandma’s face with gentle care that we were creating the perfect environment in the room with our laughter. She said, “This is exactly what Joan should be surrounded by right now.” That afternoon I talked with my family about my memories of my grandma’s movement; I could almost hear a buzz in my ears.

I grew up on the farm that she and my grandpa spent most of their lives on. My grandma was the most frenzied busy-body I know. I have clear memories of her buzzing around the farmhouse kitchen baking ginger snaps, muffins, cinnamon buns, chocolate cake, and Christmas toffee all in one delicious afternoon. I can see her small five foot something body going to and from various farm duties – feeding farmers and neighbors, chasing cattle, helping in the shop, poisoning gophers (an important farm duty when you have herds of cattle grazing in the pastures). Her mouth rarely stopped for a break from chatter. She gave voice to stories from our family history, local country gossip, and details about how much something cost or who had recently written her a letter.

I can see traces of my grandma in me almost every day. I am so thankful that my grandma was an important part of my childhood. And I am so glad that she taught me some things about creatively using my time, working hard no matter how menial the task may seem, and loving those around you in ways that are true to who you are.